I was born a Muslim, but lived a life without feeling the joy of praying or reading the Quran for years. Praying 5 times a day was never a burden, but never was a real joy too. Reading the Quran means reading the Yaasin on Friday nights, suratul Mulk every night (just because it’s obligatory at school), and practicing tajweed from the ustadz every fortnight. It was rarely more than that. Reading it was never out of my own will. As sad as it sounds, it showed that I never tasted the joy of performing those ibadahs.
It’s funny how the light of Islam came to me. By watching people kept making wrong decisions, choosing the wrong way, wrong crowd, all the times. Watching these people that doesn’t give a damn about what religion is, it just showed me how ‘lost’ can a human be. Watching Muslims ignoring the teachings so that they can have all the fun in dunya, to an extent that some of them denied the teachings, questioning the Hereafter and ignoring advices and da’wahs. Then I realized that they may have all the fun they want, but they never will achieve the happiness inside. They looked happy from outside, but lonely inside. Frankly, they are like humans without souls. So i stood, contemplating myself in my prayer, and thought, I have a soul, and I want to cherish it.
Being the type that never spills out problems made me feel like I’m in need of someone to talk to. This brought me closer to Ar-Raheem, hence closer to this deen. Alhamdulillah, the faith grew stronger, but it was never strong enough and not even for a long period. Peer pressure was always the reason. Do not ask why, but the faith grew weaker and weaker to a point that I lost the joy of being a Muslim, again. I was 16 and yes, stupid.
It took me quite some time to ‘regain’ the faith. The saying that gave me the biggest change in my life was this, ‘do not wait to change for the better, build up your faith as it won’t come to you by itself’. So here I am today, surviving each day trying to be a better Muslim than yesterday. InsyaAllah.
psssst : i'm still super-obsessed with Fall Out Boy and anything RnB.