Saturday, May 1, 2010

if you have a boyfriend, or flirting with/stalking someone..

....then this post is for you.

Sometimes you just have to let go of things, even if you don’t want to, even though it doesn’t seem right, when it actually is. Be it materialistic stuffs, or something that got to do about your emotions. So I’m now talking about ee-mow-shen-zzz ß (I’m completely aware that I can be lame at times)

I learnt about letting go. I learnt how to cope with it. And now I’m learning it again.

Some people are just too scared to let go. Too scared to be left alone, not having a lover to talk to, to lean on to. I do understand if it’s about loving and being loved, but to talk about it toooo seriously, moreover, at a young age, is just ridiculous. It’s just too much. I don’t find it tolerable. It’s just someone being dramatic, and blaming it on the hormones.

Sorry if anyone reading this is in the exact same situation. But being me, I just don’t understand. I have a circle of friends, each with their own dramas and problems. From how I see it, if your relationship has more cries than laughs, than you haven’t really grasp the meaning of having your own significant half.

A line from the song Pass You By by BoyzIIMen;

‘Don’t have to stay with someone that makes you cry, you’ll end up killing all the love you have inside’

I also do not mean if you have more laughs than cries, you should stay with your boyfriend. Don’t twist my words around.

That is exactly why the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that there’s nothing more that should be done for two people that is in love, except for marriage.

Marriage is the answer. If you think you are ready for a marriage, then you will be ready for a relationship. Pre-marital relationship disses and annoys me, as much as they make me feel yuckk. I don’t think you should get involved in something that you are not ready. I think, exchanging feelings with a guy you’re not married to, is WEIRD and UNCOMFORTABLE.

‘I like you’
‘Hey I like you too’
‘Be my girlfriend’
‘oh of course!’
‘Life is sweet, aint it?’

Naaaahhhhhhhh! I think I love my pride more.

People give various reasons to stay in pre-marital relationships. ‘I would like to know him better’ ‘I don’t wanna marry a stranger’. No one’s talking about marrying a stranger, honey. I’m talking about knowing your limits here. Limits between a guy and a girl. People tend to go over the limit in getting to know someone they like.

Maybe you’re thinking I’m talking crap, it’s expected, because I don’t know how to explain my view on this. I’m thinking and seeing this from an Islamic point of view, but I do not know how to elaborate and explain things clearly. Just pardon me this time.

Okay so we all know how having a boyfriend or girlfriend is considered haram in Islam right? And pre-marital relationships doesn’t exist in Islam, only marriage does exist. That’s all I want to say actually. What a long intro, I was trying sooo hard to explain and ended up thinking, ‘naaaah I’ll just write the facts’.

I’m just trying to say, don’t get yourself involved in any pre-marital relationship. It’s not healthy for your mind, soul, heart…spiritually.

emmmmm....i don't think so.

People who love being emotionally attached to someone will find this hard. They tend to go with what they want. At the end of the day, it’s not just what you feel like it, it’s about what’s wrong and what’s right. You may be wrong, and of course God is always right, but you just haven't seen it yet. Just have faith in God, and you’ll be safe insyaAllah.

This explains my view on having a boyfriend, and thus, why I never had one. I just don’t like the idea of having one, and I because know its wrong. I also refrain myself from being emotionally attached to someone. Alhamdulillah it’s working. Although sometimes I do think it’s fun to just have a conversation with a specific guy, (not just any random guy) but I know it’s just not right, and I just don’t do it. Easy. Easy like Sunday morning.

I used to have long conversations at night with a guy friend, and to tell you the truth, it was fun, though I know it’s not the right thing to do! To have someone that you can just talk to for hours, and being comfortable with it, and being able to express your ideas like a grown up. People don’t usually ‘digest’ my ideas like I’m a grown up. And to exchange ideas from different point of views in life is so interesting. To talk about serious stuffs, not just craps. So I really appreciate this friend. But still, if you love your God, and you know what you do is not what He wants you to do, your happiness will always be shadowed with a HUGE guilt. Whenever a man and women is alone, shaytan is the third among them. And this does'nt apply just physically, but virtually too, like on the phone, chatting etc. You get what i mean. So I ended up explaining to this friend about it, and just stopped hanging out. And now Alhamdulillah I got the peace that I was looking for.

If you’re a guy, and I had never sat down and chatted with you all night, then you’re just not the guy I’m talking about okay. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking about you.

The main point here is, just don’t get yourself in any relationships before marriage. I’m not being extremist but it is just simply haram. Allah knows what’s best. Be smart and just do what He says.

And Voila! One complete crappy post.

Ma’a salama people.

Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil way. Al-Israa' (17:32)


Amira said...

Mashallah lovely post. and your totally right premarital relationships are a big sin and Allah knows whats best for us. I remember writing about this as well tho I think people would understand more thru your post lol.

qistina said...

insyaAllah. i hope more people will get a hold of the whole concept of premarital relationships. nowadays there are too much of the islamic premarital relationship or islamic coupling as they would love to call it. boyfriends and girlfriends exchanging feelings alongside hadiths and quranic verses. it seems nice at the surface but afterall still wrong. and no matter how you debate, they still think theyre right.

'show us the straight way. the way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath , and who go not astray' Al-Fatihah

anish said...

i love this post.
im liking one guy now and its not easy to really detach myself from him.
i know its wrong. =(

qistina said...

thats normal, u just have to try harder. i was like that once. just gather up some courage, and look at it from the bright side! Allah is always there for us, thru goods and bads..

try to distant yourself..u'll be closer to Allah, coz ur doing the right thing. goooood luckk :D

MuslimFirst said...

Great post Sis - not crappy at all. I am assuming you've Sr. Amira's post on the subject and she linked to mine as well, so please check it out if you haven't. Thanks for following my blog by the way, but I have to tell you, I won't be blogging for awhile. Anyways, best wishes to all you ladies and be patient and I'm sure all of you will find that special and very fortunate guy when the time is right.

-Br. MF
PS Wow, you're Malay! There are tons of Malays here in Prague (like me, studying medicine). They are such sweet kids - yes I mostly hang with the bro's though they go to a different school (same university though). Early on I did take 4 Sis's and 3 bros to dinner. Good times. So yeah, I'm a big fan of Malays.
Also, I don't know why I'm attracting so many female readers! :-)

Amira ~ The Thinking Princess said...

mashallah! so true sis..i learned the hardway ...but i am finally ready for the next step..marriage,,,May Allah lead us all to the right path..ameen!